A Season of Thanksgiving

Give thanks in all things for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

So up until my pastor preached on this verse last week, I always thought that this verse meant that we had to be thankful in all things (situations) because those situations were God’s will for us.  I am SO glad that I am wrong.  This verse actually means that we are to give thanks in all situations because giving thanks IS God’s will for us.  Wow!  What a relief that all God desires is our thankfulness at all times despite our situation.  Even though pretty much the only thing that I continue to desire I haven’t received, I’m still thankful.  Even saying that sounds so wild… I mean, I have a great life, I really do.  I deeply desire a child but I’m not going to let my lack of that want overshadow all of the great blessings that I do have.

I have lots to be thankful for…

• A husband who grows more supportive each day
• A great family (and in-laws who I grow closer to with each passing day)
• My health- yes, my ovaries have severely declined in function prematurely and yes, my thyroid doesn’t really work, but otherwise…I’m good as new 🙂
• A nice roof over my head thanks to my husband who works tirelessly and allows me not too
• A husband who is allowing me to take some time off of work to focus on the things I enjoy (whatever they happen to be at the time)
• Good friends – though many of them aren’t local, I know I have good friends who can be found all over the country.

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I had an ultrasound on Monday and my ovaries are still small and no antral follicles were found.  My uterus was 11 mm (quite thick as expected ) but nothing seems to be going on on the ovarian front.  I started taking DHEA again (just 25 mg for now) and also started Wobenzym N.  The last time I took DHEA was the only time that I have seen antral follicles in 9 years of POF so I’m hopeful that the DHEA in combination with a period and a low FSH, which on monday was 14.1 will hopefully make something pop up.

Oh, I nearly forgot to mention that I had my thyroid labs drawn and my T3 was a little high (hyper), my T4 was a little low (hypo), and my TSH was 18!!! 18! It should be around 1 when trying to conceive.  I couldn’t believe those numbers.  I switched to Nature Throid about 7 weeks ago but then 6 weeks ago, switched from minivelle patches to ethinyl estradiol (which is much much stronger).  Then about 3 weeks ago my ethinyl dose was doubled so I assume that the ethinyl is what has messed up my thyroid.  I feel pretty good but have noticed that I haven’t lost an ounce of weight despite working out almost 6 days a week.  In fact, I was gaining weight and couldn’t figure out why.  It all makes sense now though.  Sometimes it feels like you work on one thing (ovaries) and another thing fails (thyroid). When prior to visiting to Dr C my thyroid was perfect for fertility.  Oh well, hoping that somehow my body can produce a follicle and my thyroid will function enough for this all to happen.

So I will get labs drawn on Monday to see if my e2 has risen. If not, presumably Dr. C will give me provera or crinone to bring on AF and then I’ll start anew.  However, we’re going to Cancun in 2 weeks so I don’t want AF rearing her head while I’m there so this could prove to be quite tricky timing wise.

Ta Ta for now…

Treatments

So it’s been a while since I’ve been able to post since DH and I are sharing a computer and he’s been busy studying for a big board exam.  I do have an iPad but I prefer not to type much on it.

Currently, I’m in the process of working with both Dr. Check and Dr. Braverman. Dr Check, the FSH guru, has me on an estinyl estradiol protocol which so far has lowered my fsh from 53 (GASP- I know) to 39 (still very high) to we’ll find out tomorrow the new results.  Hopefully I’m somewhere in the mid 20s and then the next week in the single digits.  The idea behind the estinyl is that it will lower my fsh while not showing up on labs.  Thus, in theory it will give my little ovaries and the remaining follicles inside a break, in hopes that their FSH receptors will pop back out, and they’ll actually grow large enough to be seen on an ultrasound and ultimately to be fertilized.  Let’s continue to hope and pray that all goes as planned 🙂

Dr Braverman (Dr. B) is treating me for immune issues.  Under his care, I had a laparoscopy through a NY surgeon and had stage 2 endometriosis removed.  No one ever even suggested that I had endometriosis so it’s crazy that I did!  Dr. B is brilliant like that!  I also have hashimoto’s thyroiditis which means that my body has developed antibodies that attack my thyroid- great 😐  I got my endocrinologist to switch me to Naturethroid which is a natural desiccated thyroid (NDT) hormone instead of the synthetic Levoxyl I’ve taken for the last 10 years. Dr B also has me taking a slew of supplements that are supposed to be good for inflammation from the endo which include Fish Oil, Pycnogenol, Melatonin, Resveratrol, Mitochondrial Optimizer, Calcium, VSL #3, and Vitamin D.  If I take the correct dosage that would be about 16 pills plus my thyroid and estinyl for a total of 18 pills.  I NEVER get all 18 down, even on the days I actually DO take my supplements (which is about 50% of the time).  Dr. B also had me on estradiol for however long it takes me to produce a follicle (which could be months).  I have switched to Dr. Check to switch from estradiol to estinyl as I believe the estinyl will lower my FSH more and not show up in my labs.  So I get weekly labs to check my FSH and estrogen with the hopes that my FSH continues to lower and at some point my estrogen rises.  When I see my estrogen rising that hopefully means that I’ve got a follicle!! Won’t that be a happy day!

Unfortunately, DH says we cannot afford IVF at this time so when that golden follicle arrives, it’s going to have to be (prayerfully) fertilized the old fashioned way! Most of us got here through the old fashioned way so it should work 😉  Besides, DH is perfect in every male way so there shouldn’t be any issues there. Also, Dr B has a host of meds as well so hopefully those will take care of any other issues…

Background

I am a 29 year old female who was diagnosed with POF at the tender age of 20.  Talk about the shock of your life… I was a junior in college and was going through a bout of depression so I considered my sporadic menses to be both a “blessing” and due to the depression.  I happened to mention to my counselor at the time that I was only having periods every 3 months and she strongly encouraged me to see a doctor.  So I did. I’ll never forget the moment that she came into the patient room at her office with a total look of shock on her face as she told me that my labs stated that I was in menopause (I guess I was the first patient she’d encountered with this). Well, this was a “major” midwest capital city but I wanted to hear from the experts, she was shocked after all- maybe someone had made a mistake!  So I went to the Penn Fertility Center since I was spending my summer in Philly and yup, the diagnosis was confirmed.  I had POF (Premature ovarian failure).  Well, Penn was good and all but what about a 3rd opinion!  So I went to Atlanta and got another opinion and yup, the numbers were all showing the same thing — a 20, at that point 21 year old with labs of a 50+ year old! Well, 9 years later I’m still suffering from the effects of this condition… doctor after doctor, prayer after prayer, and day after day, I wait, hoping and praying that something changes for the better.  And by something, I mean that my ovaries decide to function long enough to produce a good enough egg that will become a healthy baby.