It’s been a long time

It’s been a while…I must apologize.  The New Year was a difficult time for me as I wasn’t quite over mourning what I thought 2014 was going to bring.  I really thought that 2014 was going to be “it” for us.  While I did ovulate 3 times, 3x more than I had in previous years, I did start being a patient of Dr B. and Dr. Check, I did have a laparoscopy and have stage 2 diagnosed – it was quite a year for us.  But despite all of those improvements- it didn’t happen in 2014.  Because I was so certain it would, it made going into 2015 less exciting…actually, not exciting at all.

However, I must say that 2015 hasn’t been so bad thus far.  My estrogen is starting to rise- it was at a lofty 5 as of last Tuesday (remember it is normally less than 5) and I’ll be getting an ultrasound on Tuesday so hopefully there’ll be something to see.

Also, I decided to “come out” on my Facebook page.  A lot of people in my reproductive immunology group were “coming out” on their pages using various articles. While I enjoyed reading those articles, none of them quite spoke to my situation.  That was until I found this article on another Facebook friend’s page. http://blitheblog.com/i-could-have-a-baby-but-she-could-not/ WARNING: This post made me ugly cry.  I mean, the tears just hit all of a sudden and there was no holding them back.  This post spoke to me so much that I knew this was the one for me.  The tears were freeing and also posting this on my page and finally putting it out in the open was also freeing.  It was somewhat nerve-wracking to know that the over 500 “Friends” including former co-workers, classmates, etc. all “knew” this about me.  But I couldn’t continue to be in silence any longer and wanted to put it out in the open.  Hopefully this will eliminate the questions from estranged family members and friends on when we’re expanding our family.

Since putting my fertility out there, I’ve gotten support from friends and family that was unexpected and have only received positive encouragement.  I even received a very long, detailed message from a friend of a friend who suffered a terrible missed miscarriage who is now 36 weeks pregnant again and on bed rest.  Although our stories aren’t similar at all, the part of her message that really struck me was when she said to just “let it go. It’s already done.”  Over 2 years ago, a popular mega-church preacher was visiting my church and picked me out of the entire church (while I was sitting at my seat in the balcony) and said “God’s word to you is ‘It’s already done.'” I initially received the message to be one about my fertility but as the years passed I began to question what that message actually met. Until this acquaintance wrote this message with those 3 EXACT SAME words in it.  Wow! When I got to those 3 words I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.  I was just so surprised that God was again confirming those same words about my situation again in the most unsuspecting of ways.  WOW!  Thank you God for those words and for your provision.

Well, I’ll update you all on things as they (hopefully) progress.  Until then…

TaTa for now…

And just like that…another bust!

So the bad news is that my estrogen decreased from 20 down to 10.

The good news is that I’m going to Mexico so I fully intend to enjoy the all-inclusiveness of the resort as one that is not in the tww.

Sure I’d probably rather not indulge and be anxiously awaiting a beta, but I will focus on the anticipation of yet another “next time” and enjoy Mexico!

Started provera today so another cycle should be quickly approaching.

TaTa for now…

I’ve got a FOLLICLE!

Yes, A follicle!  As in 1 follicle and I couldn’t be more thrilled!!!! It just popped up within the last few days.  I got Monday’s labs back and my fsh was down to 5.6!!!! My estradiol was still below 5 and my progesterone was .232534534 something but then today’s labs (which were supposed to be run tomorrow but I’m going out of town so I had them run today) showed that my fsh was still 5.6 but my estradiol was up to 20!!!!! Dr. Check said to bring on a period and I said NO WAY!!! I finally have a follicle- I can’t just ignore it!  The nurse said that it was my choice and that I could go for repeat labs and an ultrasound on Tuesday but I also didn’t want to chance it and called me OBGYN and she got my in STAT (love her <3)!!

So now the tricky part begins of coordinating care with both Dr. C and Dr. B (my RI).  Dr. Check believes in sometimes adding low amounts of stim medications whereas Dr. B will likely want to add like 300!  Then Dr. B will also likely want to add lots of immune medications and when do I start those!!  AHHH! I’m supposed to be a local patient for Dr. B so that my apt can be run through insurance but I have to go out of town tomorrow  for a family emergency in New Orleans.  I’ll be back on Monday even
ing but then am leaving on Thursday to go to Atlanta to fly to Cancun on Friday and won’t be back until Tuesday. So the plan for now is to get an ultrasound locally before shelling out a chunk of cash to fly to NYC to see Dr. B. Then I’ll fly back home or straight to Atlanta and then to beautiful Cancun. If this follie continues to grow I should be triggering right when we go to cancun- which would mean lots of BDing and DH will definitely enjoy that:-)

I’ll keep you all posted!

Ta Ta for now…

A Season of Thanksgiving

Give thanks in all things for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

So up until my pastor preached on this verse last week, I always thought that this verse meant that we had to be thankful in all things (situations) because those situations were God’s will for us.  I am SO glad that I am wrong.  This verse actually means that we are to give thanks in all situations because giving thanks IS God’s will for us.  Wow!  What a relief that all God desires is our thankfulness at all times despite our situation.  Even though pretty much the only thing that I continue to desire I haven’t received, I’m still thankful.  Even saying that sounds so wild… I mean, I have a great life, I really do.  I deeply desire a child but I’m not going to let my lack of that want overshadow all of the great blessings that I do have.

I have lots to be thankful for…

• A husband who grows more supportive each day
• A great family (and in-laws who I grow closer to with each passing day)
• My health- yes, my ovaries have severely declined in function prematurely and yes, my thyroid doesn’t really work, but otherwise…I’m good as new 🙂
• A nice roof over my head thanks to my husband who works tirelessly and allows me not too
• A husband who is allowing me to take some time off of work to focus on the things I enjoy (whatever they happen to be at the time)
• Good friends – though many of them aren’t local, I know I have good friends who can be found all over the country.

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I had an ultrasound on Monday and my ovaries are still small and no antral follicles were found.  My uterus was 11 mm (quite thick as expected ) but nothing seems to be going on on the ovarian front.  I started taking DHEA again (just 25 mg for now) and also started Wobenzym N.  The last time I took DHEA was the only time that I have seen antral follicles in 9 years of POF so I’m hopeful that the DHEA in combination with a period and a low FSH, which on monday was 14.1 will hopefully make something pop up.

Oh, I nearly forgot to mention that I had my thyroid labs drawn and my T3 was a little high (hyper), my T4 was a little low (hypo), and my TSH was 18!!! 18! It should be around 1 when trying to conceive.  I couldn’t believe those numbers.  I switched to Nature Throid about 7 weeks ago but then 6 weeks ago, switched from minivelle patches to ethinyl estradiol (which is much much stronger).  Then about 3 weeks ago my ethinyl dose was doubled so I assume that the ethinyl is what has messed up my thyroid.  I feel pretty good but have noticed that I haven’t lost an ounce of weight despite working out almost 6 days a week.  In fact, I was gaining weight and couldn’t figure out why.  It all makes sense now though.  Sometimes it feels like you work on one thing (ovaries) and another thing fails (thyroid). When prior to visiting to Dr C my thyroid was perfect for fertility.  Oh well, hoping that somehow my body can produce a follicle and my thyroid will function enough for this all to happen.

So I will get labs drawn on Monday to see if my e2 has risen. If not, presumably Dr. C will give me provera or crinone to bring on AF and then I’ll start anew.  However, we’re going to Cancun in 2 weeks so I don’t want AF rearing her head while I’m there so this could prove to be quite tricky timing wise.

Ta Ta for now…

Good News

My FSH was down to 33 yesterday…still pretty high but the lowest it’s been since being treated with ethinyl estradiol. However, Dr. C chose to up my dosage of ethinyl to 2x/day and has me re-checking bloods on Monday, which is only 5 days after the increased dosage… I inquired about increasing my dose before I knew what my levels were going to be and I guess Dr. C agreed (or had that thought independently).  I imagine that once my FSH gets to an acceptable level that I’ll return to just taking the medication 1x/day but for now, we wait…

Ta Ta for now…

Small (Large) Victory

So I found out yesterday that insurance is going to cover a very expensive injectable medication for me!!  The meds run a little over $500/week and need to be taken through about week 12 of pregnancy so this saved me over $6000!  The best part is that they’re covering it with a $0 copay for me!!!  Woohoo!!  Now if I could just get this perisistant FSH to lower and allow my ovaries to produce an egg, we might be in business!  Getting blood work drawn again tomorrow…

Ta Ta for now!

Well…things aren’t going as planned…

So I got my weekly labs done and was expecting my FSH to have dropped at least another 10 points only it had actually increased by 11 points!!! 😨 I’m trying not to hold much stock in numbers but I would at least love if I were responding as planned with the medicine. I have no idea why it increased instead of decreased but Dr. Check still wants to keep me on the same dose and wants a recheck in 6 days rather than a full week (weird huh?).

So please pray with us for our continued faith and that things start to work.

Ta Ta for now…

Treatments

So it’s been a while since I’ve been able to post since DH and I are sharing a computer and he’s been busy studying for a big board exam.  I do have an iPad but I prefer not to type much on it.

Currently, I’m in the process of working with both Dr. Check and Dr. Braverman. Dr Check, the FSH guru, has me on an estinyl estradiol protocol which so far has lowered my fsh from 53 (GASP- I know) to 39 (still very high) to we’ll find out tomorrow the new results.  Hopefully I’m somewhere in the mid 20s and then the next week in the single digits.  The idea behind the estinyl is that it will lower my fsh while not showing up on labs.  Thus, in theory it will give my little ovaries and the remaining follicles inside a break, in hopes that their FSH receptors will pop back out, and they’ll actually grow large enough to be seen on an ultrasound and ultimately to be fertilized.  Let’s continue to hope and pray that all goes as planned 🙂

Dr Braverman (Dr. B) is treating me for immune issues.  Under his care, I had a laparoscopy through a NY surgeon and had stage 2 endometriosis removed.  No one ever even suggested that I had endometriosis so it’s crazy that I did!  Dr. B is brilliant like that!  I also have hashimoto’s thyroiditis which means that my body has developed antibodies that attack my thyroid- great 😐  I got my endocrinologist to switch me to Naturethroid which is a natural desiccated thyroid (NDT) hormone instead of the synthetic Levoxyl I’ve taken for the last 10 years. Dr B also has me taking a slew of supplements that are supposed to be good for inflammation from the endo which include Fish Oil, Pycnogenol, Melatonin, Resveratrol, Mitochondrial Optimizer, Calcium, VSL #3, and Vitamin D.  If I take the correct dosage that would be about 16 pills plus my thyroid and estinyl for a total of 18 pills.  I NEVER get all 18 down, even on the days I actually DO take my supplements (which is about 50% of the time).  Dr. B also had me on estradiol for however long it takes me to produce a follicle (which could be months).  I have switched to Dr. Check to switch from estradiol to estinyl as I believe the estinyl will lower my FSH more and not show up in my labs.  So I get weekly labs to check my FSH and estrogen with the hopes that my FSH continues to lower and at some point my estrogen rises.  When I see my estrogen rising that hopefully means that I’ve got a follicle!! Won’t that be a happy day!

Unfortunately, DH says we cannot afford IVF at this time so when that golden follicle arrives, it’s going to have to be (prayerfully) fertilized the old fashioned way! Most of us got here through the old fashioned way so it should work 😉  Besides, DH is perfect in every male way so there shouldn’t be any issues there. Also, Dr B has a host of meds as well so hopefully those will take care of any other issues…

Background

I am a 29 year old female who was diagnosed with POF at the tender age of 20.  Talk about the shock of your life… I was a junior in college and was going through a bout of depression so I considered my sporadic menses to be both a “blessing” and due to the depression.  I happened to mention to my counselor at the time that I was only having periods every 3 months and she strongly encouraged me to see a doctor.  So I did. I’ll never forget the moment that she came into the patient room at her office with a total look of shock on her face as she told me that my labs stated that I was in menopause (I guess I was the first patient she’d encountered with this). Well, this was a “major” midwest capital city but I wanted to hear from the experts, she was shocked after all- maybe someone had made a mistake!  So I went to the Penn Fertility Center since I was spending my summer in Philly and yup, the diagnosis was confirmed.  I had POF (Premature ovarian failure).  Well, Penn was good and all but what about a 3rd opinion!  So I went to Atlanta and got another opinion and yup, the numbers were all showing the same thing — a 20, at that point 21 year old with labs of a 50+ year old! Well, 9 years later I’m still suffering from the effects of this condition… doctor after doctor, prayer after prayer, and day after day, I wait, hoping and praying that something changes for the better.  And by something, I mean that my ovaries decide to function long enough to produce a good enough egg that will become a healthy baby.